Audits

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Excuses, Excuses

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So-called "tax protestors" have dreamed up dozens of excuses for not paying the taxes the rest of us grumble about. They argue that the Sixteenth Amendment, which authorizes the government to levy an income tax without apportionment among the states, was never "properly ratified." They accuse the "alleged" Internal Revenue Service of being a massive premeditated conspiracy to defraud U.S. citizens. Some groups assert that the gold tassels around the American flags that stand in many federal courts are a "mutilation," rendering them "courts of admiralty" with no proper jurisdiction. Still others contend that taxpayers aren't required to file a federal tax return because the instructions associated with Form 1040 don't display an OMB control number as required by the Paperwork Reduction Act. (Can you imagine risking jail time on an argumen t like that?)

Well, the IRS has heard it all. They've published a web page identifying 40 Frivolous Positions for Taxpayers to Avoid. They've warned taxpayers about a $5,000 penalty for using any of these arguments

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"Ardente!" is Portuguese for "Hot!"

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Tax collectors generally don't choose their line of work for the pay. Glassdoor.com, a gossipy website covering salaries and careers, reports the average Revenue Agent earns $73,967. Careerbliss.com tells us the average criminal investigator earns $99,000 — which makes sense considering there's at least a chance they get shot at while working. That's not bad coin . . . but it's hardly enough to party with the rich and famous.

But what's true here in the United States may not be true in the rest of the world. Our neighbors to the south in Brazil have been transfixed lately by a sordid scandal of glitz and bling featuring — you guessed it — a gang of tax collectors, accused of helping construction companies evade over $200 million in taxes.

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What's in a Name?

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In Shakespeare's most recognized tragedy, the star-crossed lover Juliet asks "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Now, that may have been true back in Juliet's day. But is it still true now in today's era of celebrity branding?

Here's the deal. Back in 2009, executors for the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, filed an estate tax return reporting the value of his assets at his death. Jackson had been famously extravagant during his life, blowing through hundreds of millions in earnings and borrowing hundreds of millions more. His 2,600-acre "Neverland" ranch in Santa Barbara that included two railroads, a petting zoo, and a Ferris wheel reportedly cost $2.5 million per month to maintain. He spent millions more on travel, entertainment, antiques, and paintings. And feeding "Bubbles," his pet chimpanzee, couldn't have been cheap, either.

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Touchdown, IRS?

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It's Week Nine of the 2013 football season, and millions of Americans are following every play. The Kansas City Chiefs are still undefeated. The New York Giants have finally won a couple of games. And playoff races are already starting to take shape. (Bengals, anyone?) So, what does any of this have to do with taxes?

Today's National Football League is the biggest spectacle since the Romans packed the Coliseum to watch the Christians take on the Lions. (Needless to say, the Lions were heavy favorites — and usually covered the spread.) Last year, the league generated $9.5 billion in revenue from a combination of TV rights, ticket sales, stadium concessions, and licensing agreements. The biggest part of that cash geyser goes to the players (who naturally pay tax on their salaries). More chunks go to the owners (who pay tax on theirs), and stadium vendors (who pay tax on all those eight-dollar beers).

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Story Problems for Grownups

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Back in grade school, you did all sorts of math problems. You started out with drills to learn your basic addition, subtraction, and multiplication. You learned long division (ugh). You moved on to fractions. And all along the way, as part of your teachers' efforts to convince you that it all matters here in the "real world," you did "story problems." Remember those?

Well, now you're all grown up, so here's a grownup story problem to ponder:

You're an IRS auditor, toiling away to protect the government's revenue base. Then you decide to leave "the dark side" and start your own practice. Things start off great, but you want more. So you mock up some fake tax returns, tell some clients they owe $11 million, and have them make payments into a bogus "trust account." Then you take the money for yourself, make some home improvements, buy a beach house in Mexico, pay to use a private plane, pay $2 million on your personal credit cards and loans, and make some investments. It's good to be rich, isn't it? But now there's a teensy-weensy little problem. The IRS is on to you, your clients are hopping mad, and two of them are scheduled to testify against you! What do you do?

Well, if you're Steven Martinez of Ramona, California, you send your limousine driver (!) to offer a hit man $100,000 to take out the clients. But you don't just whisper some names in his ear and slink back home. Oh, no. Because you're an accountant

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Horsing Around with Tax Preparers

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This is a big week for taxes and technology. State "insurance exchanges" are scheduled to open for business under the Affordable Care Act, which lets consumers sign up for tax-subsidized individual health insurance. The White House has already announced that technological glitches will delay online enrollment on the small business ("SHOP") and Spanish-language sites. That's a decidedly 21st-century, "first world" problem. So, why on earth is the IRS lassoing an 1884 law dealing with lost Civil War horses to regulate tax preparers?

Right now, there are no industry-wide rules governing tax preparers. So, back in 2011, the IRS announced their new "Return Preparer Initiative," which required preparers to register with the IRS, pass a competency test, and take continuing education classes. The new rules apply to any tax preparer who isn't already regulated as an attorney, Certified Public Accountant (CPA), or Enrolled Agent (EA).